Some of you may not know this, but when Eric was 4 years old doctors discovered a hole in his heart and my little boy went through open heart surgery.  That’s why he had that scar on his chest.  Funny, he hated it.  I told him that it was his war wound and that he should be proud of it.  He was my little soldier.  I remember it breaking my heart as I watched them wheel him through the double doors to the operating room.  It was a life changing, heart wrenching moment for me.   Now, 16 years later, the hole in my heart is so big as I say goodbye to my son.  It has been said, “she who loves much grieves much”……I grieve so very very much.  I will carry Eric in my heart forever and treasure all of the memories of his precious life, trusting God to bring healing to my broken heart in time.     I met a woman recently who has also lost a child to suicide.  She encouraged me to try to focus my thoughts not on his death and the many questions I have that will never be answered this side of heaven, and to instead think about all that Eric was and the many good memories of his life.  Her advice has helped me to get through my days and, as a way of celebrating  his life, I want to share with you some of the many thoughts and memories I have of my son.   ……..   --As a baby Eric was happy.  Always laughing and kicking.  He was a great sleeper.   --I picture his laugh as a child.  He laughed all the time.  Mariah has his laugh.   --He used to sing a song for me: “Pretty mama of mine”.     --Batman and Superman were his childhood heros and he loved to put the cape on on fly around the house, jumping from the couch as he tried to fly.   --When Kaitlin was born he became a proud big brother to her.  He was helpful, not jealous.   --He loved vanilla ice cream, even when Baskin Robbins offered him endless flavor choices.   --Eric had dancing hands.     --He loved to sing (and sang often in the shower).   --His favorite colors were blue and green and one of his favorite foods was hot wings.     --He loved baseball, starting his career at ager 5.  I got to be team mom the year he played on the, “New York Yankees”.  Go figure J   --My “wild child” loved “big trucks” , go carts and motorcycles.  I remember he used to go fast in his go cart.  One day he flipped the cart, got right up and checked to make sure his face was OK J When Eric was older and dad bought a motorcycle it was a gift for Eric too, for they went on many rides together.     Now, about his heart, his great big heart:   --Eric was a sensitive soul, compassionate, friendly and very very caring.  He was a good listener and used to tell me that other people felt comfortable sharing their hearts with him wherever he was.  He was real and I think that drew people to him.     --When he was young he used to help nana bake in the kitchen while making music with her pots and pans. His helpful spirit never went away.  I miss my time with him in the kitchen, too.   --He loved his mom and his nana and was spoiled with love in return.   --He was a big goof.  Only Eric, on a dare, would dance around my car at a stoplight the way he did recently.     --He was a family man.  He loved his family and especially his precious daughter Mariah.  Mariah was his pride and joy, a gift.  She was made out of love and I see him in her.  They used to watch the movie Frozen again and again and sing, “Let it Go” together.  I’ll never forget that.  And on Saturday she and I sang it as we climbed Prospect mountain in his memory.  I will treasure that forever.     Eric was my best friend.  I was young when I had him, and, in so many ways we grew up together.  He saved me. As a young mom he was my world.  He  kept me going and gave me purpose.  I miss him so much…